How to kill the time between Strasburg starts

The best day of the week is every fifth day. That's when Steven Strasburg gets to pitch. It's Strasmas and it beats the hell out of Stammenmas.

The problem is that if Strasburg pitches on a Friday, he doesn't pitch again until Wednesday. That leaves Saturday, Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. And those days can be really boring.

When Strasburg pitches, players like Edgar Renteria fling bats across the infield after getting fooled on a strike out pitch. Players like JD Martin are safely stashed in the dugout where they can do no harm.

When Strasburg does not pitch, JD is free to give up doubles to Edgar.

If you squint hard enough, and tune in on a lo-def, 13-inch monitor, Livan Hernandez can kind of look like Strasburg. But he's hardly an adequate substitute.

To help, I've come up with a few ways to kill the down time between Strasburg's starts.


1. Follow Collin Balester.
Currently a minor league pitcher for the Nationals, Balester has a website where you can keep track of his mustache. His Twitter feed isn't too bad either.

2. Invent new statistics.
My new stat is called BORP. It stands for Brian Over Replacement Person. The basic idea is to measure how any person on the planet compares to me in a given sports situation. For example, if I were to face CC Sabathia 27 times, I would strike out 27 times. So in this instance, you take the number of hits a person would get off Sabathia and divide by 27 to calculate BORP for hits off CC Sabathia. In any situation, a BORP of one is perfect.

The beauty of BORP is that it can be applied to anything. In the following formula, x=sports statistic and y=desired result. Thus, the standard formula is BORP of (x)= y/x.

BORP lines vary depending on the statistic. In any event, if your BORP is below my BORP, I get to play instead of you.

3. Play tennis.
It's a really good aerobic activity. Plus it can takes hours. Especially at Wimbledon.

4. Try to learn how to throw a baseball 100 miles-per-hour.
And then get drafted by the Nationals. Strasburg could use some backup.